Bonnie Kiser, MS, LMFT
From Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary
Look for good behavior
  • Pay attention to it
    • List 10 things you want your child to do.  Spend 3 minutes each hour looking for it.  Check it off on a list.
    • Ask someone to help you look.
    • Compliment yourself when you notice the good.
    • Ask your child's teacher or day care provider for 3 positive traits or behaviors and look for them.
    • Spend 5 minutes each day looking for good behavior; star on calendar.
  • Praise it
  • Reward it – stars, stickers, pennies, a smile, crackers, toy, hug, time w/you, read a story, bake cookies, gum, trip to the library, ice cream cone, pencil, etc.
Avoid problems
  • Make expectations clear
  • Give 2 Yeses for every No – 'You can do ___ or ___, but not ____
  • Change the situation:  environment, time, activity
Acknowledge feelings
  • Simple listening w/o talking about it
  • Active listening – repeat what happened and how the child felt
  • Grant fantasy – 'I wish I could...'
Set appropriate limits
  • State clear rules – simple, geared to the age and personality
  • Develop consequences – related to the misbehavior
  • Follow through
Teach new skills
  • Model
  • Re-do it right
  • Shaping
    • Simplify and give smaller steps
    • List abilities your child needs
    • Notice what he or she can do
    • Make a plan
from Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.

Michael J. Fox
Home | About | Articles | Resources | Links | FAQs | Contact
Copyright ©2007 Bonnie Kiser, MS, LFMT.  All rights reserved.