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From Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary
Look for good behavior
- Pay attention to it
- List 10 things you want your child to do. Spend 3 minutes each hour looking for it. Check it off on a list.
- Ask someone to help you look.
- Compliment yourself when you notice the good.
- Ask your child's teacher or day care provider for 3 positive traits or behaviors and look for them.
- Spend 5 minutes each day looking for good behavior; star on calendar.
- Praise it
- Reward it – stars, stickers, pennies, a smile, crackers, toy, hug, time w/you, read a story, bake cookies, gum, trip to the library, ice cream cone, pencil, etc.
Avoid problems - Make expectations clear
- Give 2 Yeses for every No – 'You can do ___ or ___, but not ____
- Change the situation: environment, time, activity
Acknowledge feelings- Simple listening w/o talking about it
- Active listening – repeat what happened and how the child felt
- Grant fantasy – 'I wish I could...'
Set appropriate limits - State clear rules – simple, geared to the age and personality
- Develop consequences – related to the misbehavior
- Follow through
Teach new skills- Model
- Re-do it right
- Shaping
- Simplify and give smaller steps
- List abilities your child needs
- Notice what he or she can do
- Make a plan
from Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary
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I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.
Michael J. Fox |
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