Bonnie Kiser, MS, LMFT
 
Articles
 
From Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary
 
 
Look for good behavior
  • Pay attention to it
    • List 10 things you want your child to do.  Spend 3 minutes each hour looking for it.  Check it off on a list.
    • Ask someone to help you look.
    • Compliment yourself when you notice the good.
    • Ask your child's teacher or day care provider for 3 positive traits or behaviors and look for them.
    • Spend 5 minutes each day looking for good behavior; star on calendar.
  • Praise it
  • Reward it – stars, stickers, pennies, a smile, crackers, toy, hug, time w/you, read a story, bake cookies, gum, trip to the library, ice cream cone, pencil, etc.
 
Avoid problems
  • Make expectations clear
  • Give 2 Yeses for every No – 'You can do ___ or ___, but not ____
  • Change the situation:  environment, time, activity
 
Acknowledge feelings
  • Simple listening w/o talking about it
  • Active listening – repeat what happened and how the child felt
  • Grant fantasy – 'I wish I could...'
 
Set appropriate limits
  • State clear rules – simple, geared to the age and personality
  • Develop consequences – related to the misbehavior
  • Follow through
 
Teach new skills
  • Model
  • Re-do it right
  • Shaping
    • Simplify and give smaller steps
    • List abilities your child needs
    • Notice what he or she can do
    • Make a plan
  
 
 
from Love & Limits by Elizabeth Crary
 
 
 

I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.

Michael J. Fox
AAMFT CLINICAL MEMBER
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